I grew up with a raging, physically abusive, high-functioning narcissistic and compulsive mother that left me with PTSD from six years of age until I was correctly diagnosed at the age of 62.
HighFunctioning – A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors.
In my life, I endured many labels of shame imposed on me by both my family and therapists and last but not least, the labels of shame from the 12 Step Program. However, I now know that it isn’t me — it’s what happened to me.
My mother passed away in the pain and trauma of self-loathing and disappointment that the children she held up as her “golden children” were the ones who, in the end, wanted to “put her away.”
I was not among those. I knew she needed mental health care and I was willing to support her to a better quality of life, even though she was my lifelong abuser.
I’d known for a long time that ‘something’ was not right with my mother. And, I was the only one who was willing to take a look at that.
I lived with her during the last two months of her life and I watched her loose her will to live.
She had surrounded herself with alcoholic, adult children of alcoholics, and narcissist ‘friends’.
It wasn’t her ‘fault’. It was all she knew.
Scapegoating – Singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.
I was the ‘scapegoat child’ so, in her mind, she couldn’t possibly take any direction from me about therapy that – even at her age (therapy at this age is NOT usual) – she could have resolved so many difficult issues that had plagued her all her life.
I asked her to get help for the last 25 years. When I did, she thought I was ‘mean to her’ and spread yet another vicious tale to the rest of the family which they eagerly lapped up and continued to conspire against me.
Triangulation – Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.
Through my own efforts, I’ve found the truth I sought after since my early twenties when I first became aware that ‘something’ was not right with me.
People like myself with PTSD don’t talk about these things to anyone. Ever. It’s only now that I’ve found my voice.
Emotional Blackmail – A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.
I still get hyper-tension when I think about my siblings reactions to my ‘coming out’. But, that won’t stop me – not now – not ever. I kept my silence long enough.
With Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), meditation, healthy eating and exercise, I gained a whole new perspective on on my life. I continue to grow and heal daily. I am a work in progress.
Now I want to reach out and share with you the wisdom, strength and hope gleaned from my own life experiences.
Namaste 🔥 Warmly, Susan Daniels
To learn more about PTSD and Generational Trauma: CLICK HERE!